By Pam McGee

You’re sitting behind your desk, and it’s 6:00pm. You’re thinking about your day. What really happened today? One day blurs into another. You say to yourself:

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I do like my job. I’ve had many conversations with many different people today. I even helped close a sale by calling one of our potential customer’s CEO. I also had to terminate one of our sales people because although a great guy, he just wasn’t brining in the business. That was a hard conversation; he’s my sisters’ cousin, and the holidays may be a little touch and go for us at Aunt Jeannie’s. I’ve also changed our HR policy to include a little more vacation time since I do know that we all (myself included) could use a little more time off. I also managed to give a presentation today at the Rotary Club on how technology is failing the “graying” population. It was good—they loved me. I didn’t get a chance to return my phone call to my son in college, but I’ll do that tonight on my way home. Shoot, I just remembered, I have to get to Business After Hours as I promised to meet a potential client there so we could discuss some ways we may do some co—marketing…..shoot….gotta run!

Does that day sound like yours?
A small business owner has many people touch points throughout the day as well as various conversations about the business, the customer, the product, and the finances. When does an owner have a chance to really talk about what’s on his mind? Where does she find comrades and community? Who do they tell that, even with their dying optimism, they’re a little frightened? 

Usually significant others are getting a bit tired with the constant barrage of questions and conversations during dinner. There’s always the best friend who’s interested but just doesn’t get it anymore since he’s a school teacher and all this business talk just makes him nuts, or at a minimum, very entertained. Sometimes we even discuss our business ownership plights with uninterested parties like hair stylists, grocery store clerks, and gas station attendants.

Before it gets to a level of desperation, an owner/CEO type has a few options that may help fill that need for community. As you remember from Management 101, Maslow indicates that our first need is basic safety and food, and our second need is to have a sense of community and belonging. If you’re yearning to connect with other like CEOs and business owners, you’re normal and most likely not alone.

Here are some ways to help you create a solid community that energizes, supports, and ultimately helps you become a stronger leader.

Find Your Coach
First, you could get an executive coach. This person’s job is to help you discuss those questions of importance that you are not ready to divulge to the team. This person can also help you discuss business opportunities, leadership challenges, and team and organizational growth. This person also might just be there to discuss the color of the furniture, if that’s what’s draining your thought reserves. Entrepreneurs have a weird sense of conversation needs. It’s proven. (Or at least I think it is as that’s been with my experiences with entrepreneurs.)

When selecting an executive coach, rule number one is to stay clear of someone who actually refers to themselves as an executive coach. You’re not looking for the traditional coach who will sit and ask you the pre-packaged set of questions of “what are your strengths?”, “what is your vision?” and so on. You can figure those out on your own. What you’re looking for is someone whom you connect with and who is deeply interested and vested in your success.

Most quality executive coaches or trusted advisors come from word-of-mouth recommendations. It has to be someone who your style connects with. It also has to be someone you trust. Deep, deep trust will develop over time, but you should have a good gut feeling on this person right from the start. If you don’t, don’t invest your time, heart, and energy into this relationship. This is intended to be a very intimate, safe place to share. It cannot be fraught with style issues, connection issues or trust issues.

The best way to enter into this relationship is to give it a try for an hourly fee. If it works, you’re almost always better off paying a monthly fee and having the person available more frequently. It is common to meet with him/her once or twice a month. Too much can get in the way of your business and can be too hard to digest. You want to fully reap the benefits of the coaching. You also need time in between conversations to fully appreciate the insights, feedback, and coaching. If you go longer than a month, you often find yourself spending more time on sustaining the relationship than actually doing the hard coaching that needs to be done.

Gather your Event Buddies
Secondly, another method to fulfill your community needs as a business owner is to sponsor an informal get together with other colleagues you have enjoyed meeting at conferences, trade shows, community events, and so on. If you wish, they can all be from the same industry. The benefit of doing so is that there is a shared interest and understanding of the challenges the industry and consequently the business owners face. There is a shared “secret” among this group, a special language they are comfortable with and all use.

There are also benefits in having the group be from different backgrounds and industries. The conversation will have a variety of perspectives to draw upon. The learning will become more creative as there will be similar and different challenges.
As the host, it can be a weight off your shoulders to hire an outside facilitator or meeting planner. This allows you to concentrate on being a part of the group rather than organizing and planning the experience.

Get Away
Thirdly, it is always been my experience that deep, long dialogues over a weekend period at a retreat-type setting help cultivate connection, learning, and community. This is not the weekend conference. This is the weekend get-a-way that is layered with thought provoking questions, fun, and explosive dialogues. They rarely have a packed or strict agenda and often leave enough white space so the conversations can take the shape that the audience needs them to take.

If you’ve ever been away in a “think tank” experience, you understand its unordered intensity and sustainability of content and relationships. All this means is that people get to know each other faster, and they also get to know themselves better at a rapid fire pace. It’s not a kumbaya experience at all; it’s one filled with moment after moment of business and personal “ahas.”

There’s no reason for “I ain’t got nobody” other than the courage it takes to reach out and sponsor an event or attend one when invited. Communities form gradually and intentionally. They’re magical, but they don’t just magically happen.

About the Author

Pam McGee has been speaking publicly and consulting for over 15 years. She has delivered speeches, executive coaching and business consulting in over 22 countries for companies ranging in size from 10 people to 100's. Through her engaging and authentic discussions, she challenges her audiences to new thought processes, business trends, and people impact opportunities. Pam is a Business Consultant and principle of McGee & Co. that helps businesses with strategic planning, change management, leadership development and creating innovative environments. Pam is a member of the faculty at Minnesota State University - Moorhead where she teaches project management and leadership skills. Prior to forming her consulting firm, she worked for Microsoft in leadership development roles, business management roles, and organizational consulting roles. In her eight years at Microsoft, she was consistently praised for her ability to coach senior managers on a variety of business topics ranging from business and industry trends to personal leadership. Through these challenging times, Pam's main goal was always to keep these leaders working toward being great leaders and strategic thinkers. Most recently, she worked with the Microsoft Corporate Vice President of Marketing in the role of Business Manager. This role involved working side-by-side to manage the business management processes, global marketing activities, and all forms of communication for the Vice President. Prior to Pam's time at Microsoft, she assisted in the operation of - a trucking firm and a restaurant venture - as well worked for a Fortune 100 company as a sales manager. Pam has also been an Assistant Professor for the North Dakota University System. She lives in Fargo, ND with her husband, Scott and their two children, Isaac and Erika.